Saturday, February 26, 2011

Finished my Scarf

I finished my scarf!  It took me about 3 weeks to finish.

Basketweave Stitch...

Rib Stitch...

Moss Stitch...

Stockinette Stitch...

And here I am wearing it...without my face being shown because I had just woke up...nobody really needs to see that:)

She's much cuter wearing it.  And the scarf truly goes splendidly with her Barbi dress.

And this one's just cute...even without the beautiful scarf.

So I had leftover yarn, and decided to start another scarf with just the moss stitch.

I just like this pattern, and I wanted to make something else....because I'm a little obsessed....can you tell I have an OCD personality?
I really love to knit!!  Who knew?  I'm even going to take the second class at Mainstreet Yarns and Fibers where we will learn how to knit in the round (I think that's the way you say it) and we'll be making a hat.  I'm WAY TOO excited...giddy really.   I just have to laugh at myself because I never would have thought a year ago that I would have the least sort of interest in learning how to knit.  I think that's what makes life fun, though.  You never quite know the direction your life will take, whether that be good or bad, but I love the learning process.  I think God meets us in the chaos of it all...and for that I am truly thankful. 

Friday, February 25, 2011

Camden turned the big 3

Birthday breakfast before church for Camden's 3rd Birthday

Celebrating with my family and my sister's kiddos...this is Cole...excited that he's about to get cake.

This is Josh and Camden...also excited that they are about to get cake:)
And this is my sister...isn't she cute...she's going to be so mad at me for putting this on here....muahahahahah!

Yeah for my mom actually buying a cake...what would I do without her?

And she blew it out...she's quite proud of herself.


Just cause I think Darby is extra cute in this picture...seriously...

And this is Emerson...thoroughly enjoying her cake.

Josh's Dad and the girls before her Chuck-e-Cheese Birthday Party in GA.

Camden was entranced by everything at Chuck-e-Cheese.

It was seriously like Disney World for her...

And my homemade cupcakes...because that's the way I roll.

She's an expert at blowing out her candles by now.

My girls are NOT afraid to bust a move.


Mom, leave me alone...can't you see I'm eating...

Camden in the birthday booth that blows tickets everywhere and she's supposed to catch them.

They put a belt on her to hold her dress down...wise, wise people at Chuck-e-Cheese.

She's thrilled at this point...because she has NO idea what's about to happen.

And then the air starts to blow...and Camden starts to sob.  I felt bad...but I still that wrong?

And finally time to turn in tickets for prizes!
So, Camden turned three, and we had LOTS of parties for this kiddo all week.  I think she believes that she's supposed to party for a full week now whenever she has a birthday.  She was thoroughly spoiled and she loved every minute of it...except for the wind tunnel ticket booth...she did not like that.  I put enough pictures on here, so you pretty much get the idea that we had a fun filled week last week.  We definitely love our very lively, extremely excitable, hilariously funny, super-duper spunky three year old BIG girl!!

Saturday, February 19, 2011

The Kelley Kiddos 2009

Meet Andi and and sister

Andi...sooooo cute!

Love her...

I want to eat her up...

And Joshua...what a sweet big brother...

Love him...

And they love each other...

See the love...

Ok...not so much here:)
These kids come from two of the coolest parents I know, which makes them extremely cool themselves.  I took these pictures back in 2009, and they actually have a new little brother....ummm....well, he's one now.  Wow, how time flies!  We have known the Kelley family for over 10 years now, and are sad that they still live in TN while we live in GA.  Just wanted to show some more of my photography....but really wanted to show you some extremely adorable kiddos....and make their parents cry when they see how much their kids have grown up....sorry Michael and Jana.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

2nd Knitting Class

Learning how to purl and place markers...aka, the little rings on the needle.

This is how far I got during the two hour class.

These are the stockinette stitch and the basketweave stitch.

This is what I've accomplished two days after the class.
In my second knitting class we learned how to purl and how to read and follow a pattern.  I am loving this class...have I mentioned this fact.  I think its because I'm being able to focus on something without the chaos of life intruding in, and I get the satisfaction of seeing progress made....I mean, just look at my pictures.  This probably says something about my personality and achievement issues and my struggles with legalism.  I think this class has more of a psychological impact on us than we're realizing:)  However, I still love it even with all the "issues" its forcing me to deal with in my life.  Are any of you knitters out there, and what things have you learned about yourself from the "knitting process"? 

Thursday, February 10, 2011

It's just me...Depression and Grace

So, for some reason I feel compelled to talk about something that I've been through, and been going through for the past three years.  I hope that those of you that read this will do so with grace and open hearts, because its somewhat hard to be completely vulnerable about my struggles in this area.  I have struggled with postpartum depression, and it has been one of the scariest places I've ever been in my life. 

My oldest and middle child are 18 months apart, so when I had my second, I'm sure my hormones were out of control.  I felt great after having my first child, so I just assumed that everything would be great again.  Well, my mother-in-law passed away from cancer three weeks after Camden was born, which was tragic, chaotic, and really really sad.  So, in the midst of trying to comfort my husband, adapting to a new environment because we had just moved to a new city, dealing with an 18 month old, and reeling from a newborn who had so many stomach issues and was just a plain hard baby to deal with, I felt unglued.  I had never dealt with depression in my past, and didn't really know of any family members who had gone through it.  So, I just thought I would snap out of the whirlwind and chaos that was happening in my brain. 

I found myself screaming uncontrollably at my 18 month old for, well, being an 18 month old.  I would be angry at anything and everything.  I lived in a constant state of anger.  My poor husband tried and tried to help with anything he could around the house, or let me go and be by myself, but nothing really seemed to help.  But I would have, what I called, my "good" days and my "bad" days.  Slowly and steadily my bad days started to come more frequently.  I found myself at a crossroads when Camden was 7 months old and my thoughts were so dark that all I wanted to do was run away from life.  My thoughts were always so condemning and I thought my family deserved someone better....someone who would take care of them in the way they needed. 

Now, I'm a believer in Christ and have been since I was 14.  But, the Gospel that I know to be true was just not ringing truth in my clouded brain.  By the grace of God, a friend of mine from the church we were going to knew that I had been struggling and was completely vulnerable with me about how she had dealt with postpartum depression, too.  She basically told me everything that she had gone through, and the thoughts that she had.  Through this conversation, by God's grace, and talking with a doctor and counselor, Josh and I decided that I should try depression medication and see if it helped.  I'm not exaggerating in the least, but I felt like myself again seven hours after starting the medication.  For some reason, this medication worked well with my hormone craziness.  My analogy is that its like driving on a windy mountainous road through a very dense fog and then all of a sudden you get to an altitude where the fog is beneath you and you can see the bright blue sky above and the unbelievable view surrounding you.  I was able to hear the Gospel again and believe it in my soul, without all the self condemning thoughts that I had been having for the past seven months. 

Well, I was on medication for about a year, and got off of it when I was 21 weeks pregnant with Darby....the same week we moved to a brand new city.  Not smart, but that's what happened.  I got back on the medication when Darby was 5 weeks old, because I felt the darkness start filling my mind again, and felt myself withdrawing from life, and the uncontrollable anger coming back.  So, about 5 months ago, I got off my medication again to try a more wholistic approach with some natural supplements.  That went ok for awhile, but I felt the life draining from me again.  I just don't think it was enough for my crazy hormones.  It's so hard to describe, but it was like an everyday fight to try and be myself and fight off the scary thoughts that invaded my brain.  By the end of the day, I was completely exhausted from the emotional toll and struggle.  And then I would have to wake up and deal with it all over again.  So, about a month ago, through my husband guiding me in wisdom, I got back on medication....and I honestly feel like me again.  It sounds so weird, but I just feel good about life.

What I'm NOT saying is that medication has been my savior.  I really feel like the medication has been a means of God's grace and goodness because it has brought my hormones into balance and allows me to mentally grasp the reality of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  As my husband would say, it gives me a level playing field....can you tell he was an athlete:) 

I guess my whole reason in posting this is because I know the depths and darkness of the places where depression takes someone.  My hope is that someone out there who might read this one day will know that they are not alone in the lonely isolation that depression "seems" to take you.  Honestly, that desperation that I felt makes me long for Christ so much more.  I know that I have nothing to offer in and of myself, but Christ has been my Savior.  So, in humility, I type this post and hope that it might strike a chord with someone else out there....and that you will know the love of Christ and His everlasting hope in the darkness. 

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Hair and Grocery Stores

This hair...oh, this hair...I wish it came from my gene pool.
Isn't it just gorgeous?

She's wondering if she'll have that hair one day...

And see this...this is actually Camden's jail...

See her trying to escape...

So, my middle child, Camden, had this issue when we first moved to Athens a year and a half ago.  She started pulling out her hair and eating it.  But, she never did it unless she was in her bed, so I never really saw her do it.  But, I would find the hair all over her bed, and in her mouth, and in joke people.  It was quite disgusting, actually.  I was really worried about her, though.  I took her to the doctor.  She got all sorts of blood work done.  But they couldn't find anything out of the norm.  Looking back, I think it was her 15 month old way of dealing with the stress of moving.  Well, it got so bad, that I had to cut all her beautiful hair off into a pixie cut (which was actually pretty cute), but it broke my heart.  But, she quit pulling her hair out because she couldn't get a grip on it.  And a year and a half later, her hair has come back even more beautiful!  I dream about one day having hair like hers. 
But, my beautiful haired middle child is also a crazy woman that likes to run away from me in all sorts of public grocery stores.  And we're not talking about just down the aisles.  I'm talking about through the aisles and out the front doors into the road.  Or through the parking lot when we get out of the van.  It's a serious issue.  I honestly pray for her daily that she will not get seriously hurt or get killed before her 3rd birthday....seriously, its on the prayer card I have for her.  So, I put her in her jail cell in the cart.  It makes her sad, and makes her scream a lot...which is fun.  But, a moms gotta do what a moms gotta do.  Just thought I'd give a little glimpse into the reality of raising a 2 year old WILD CHILD...with really beautiful hair.